Family Diversity and Divine Dexterity

Dear Editor,

Many people believe that a church can't be "pro-family" and recognize a diversity of family shapes. A certain form of social conservatism expects a Christian church to be a reliable defender and upholder of an ideal family structure composed of dad, mom, and 2.5 children, usually with the male parent as breadwinner. Just a few weekends ago, my family visited a church while traveling and an elder gentleman told me glowingly during the passing of the peace, "You have a beautiful family!" Most kind of him, but would he have said the same thing if we didn't fit that cookie cutter template? (Full disclosure: I don't have a 0.5 child.)

The truth is that the family structure we tend to think of as "traditional" is a historic anomaly that flourished under very specific mid-twentieth century postwar boom conditions. I commend to you David Brooks's 2020 article "The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake," in which the author traces the decline of multigenerational cohabiting families to the decline in farm employment and the rise of urbanization. "We take [the nuclear family] as the norm," he writes, "even though this wasn't how most humans lived during the tens of thousands of years before 1950, and it isn't the way most humans have lived during the 55 years since 1965."

The Bible is broadly affirming of the family as the foundational institution of human society and a vital channel of God's blessing. But it's far from a cookie cutter picture. In the story of Ruth, the bond of family is forged between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law after all the men have died, in the absence of children, and across different nationalities, all because of Ruth's promise to Naomi: "Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried" (Ruth 1:16-17). When they settle in Bethlehem, their survival depends on the place-making of Naomi's dead husband's relatives, especially Boaz, whose love for Ruth opens a pathway to a new generation.

We are meant to exclaim, "What a creative and resourceful God we have!" And just the same in the New Testament when Jesus confers on his community of disciples family status, pointing to them and saying, "Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother" (Mt. 12:50). Talk about "chosen family!"

Outside of Grace Lutheran's building you may see a mural that says, "God Given Diversity." This refers both to the variety the Creator gives us "from the start" (physical characteristics, sexual orientations, the spectrums of gender and neurology) and the ongoing dexterity of God who can artfully make families in the face of divorce, death, infertility, displacement, and economic hardship. Could it be that should you and yours come inside, just as you are, someone inside will say, "What a beautiful family you have!"?

Have your doubts? Why not come and see?

Mark Williamson

Pastor, Grace Lutheran Church

Dodgeville, WI